Narcissism is Trending - But at What Cost?

Introduction

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has become a bit of a buzzword in today’s mental health conversations. Go on a bad date? “He must be a narcissist.” Feel stuck in a one-sided relationship? “They’re definitely a narcissist.” I hear these kinds of statements a lot in my practice.

And while yes, sometimes people are dealing with someone who falls somewhere on the NPD spectrum, other times—it’s not that simple.

Understanding Narcissist Effect

Often, I find that people truly in a relationship with someone who has NPD aren’t throwing the term around. In fact, they’re usually too busy trying to fix themselves, thinking they’re the problem—because that’s exactly what their partner keeps telling them. When someone with NPD is in the picture, their partner is typically so caught up in self-doubt and confusion, they don’t even realize what’s actually happening right away.

The Casual Use of "Narcissist"

I could list off the official DSM-5-TR criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but let’s be honest—that’s already all over the internet. What I’d rather do is talk about why diagnosing NPD is more complicated than it seems.

In my personal and professional opinion, yes—a Licensed Professional Counselor can usually spot the signs of NPD and technically make the diagnosis. But that doesn’t mean they should. Ideally, someone being evaluated for NPD should be assessed by a Licensed Clinical Psychologist or Psychiatrist using proper psychological testing. It’s not something to take lightly.

Unfortunately, people throw around mental health labels all the time. And while it might feel harmless—or even justified in the heat of the moment—calling someone a “narcissist” can carry some serious weight. It’s more than just a name or insult. For those who have truly experienced narcissistic abuse, hearing that word can be incredibly triggering. It can even cause someone to have a trauma response.

On top of that, labeling someone a narcissist—especially without real context—can totally shift how others see and treat them. That one word can lead to unfair judgment or even bullying. That’s why it’s so important to be careful with the language we use and respectful of what these diagnoses really mean.

In her book It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from Narcissistic People (2024), Dr. Ramani Durvasula suggests a different approach—one that focuses on what a person is doing instead of slapping a label on who they are. She recommends using the term “antagonistic behaviors” to describe those hurtful or toxic patterns.

Sure, “antagonistic” still sounds a bit negative, but it doesn’t carry the same heavy baggage that comes with calling someone a “narcissist.” So the next time you’re tempted to label someone, try describing their behaviors instead. It keeps the conversation more honest, and way less emotionally loaded.

Conclusion

Mental health terms often become popular through social media or trends, but using labels like “narcissistic” too loosely can actually do more harm than good. It not only impacts the person being labeled but can also affect how others view and treat them.

Ironically, those who are truly in relationships with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are usually not the ones casually throwing around the term. They’re often deeply caught up in self-blame, trying to fix things by changing themselves—because they’ve been made to feel like they are the issue.

Since a true diagnosis requires professional evaluation, it’s more helpful to describe the specific behaviors you’re seeing rather than labeling someone’s entire identity. Referring to them as showing “antagonistic behaviors” is one way to stay accurate and respectful without minimizing the serious impact NPD can have.

Reference

Durvasula, R. (2024). It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC

People. Ebury Publishing.

Dr. Melissa Chovan Psy.D., LPC April 29, 2025